


To Protect -Extra-

by OniZenmaru



Series: Tales of a Ghoulish Life [4]
Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Crossover, M/M, Spoilers, the usual Tokyo Ghoul warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:19:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3938260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OniZenmaru/pseuds/OniZenmaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julius couldn’t protect something that was already corrupt from the beginning…</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Protect -Extra-

**Author's Note:**

> Because I need more raging ghoul angst for these two (it's really only Kresnikcest if you squint).

_'I'm human'_

It's what Jude says whenever he's hungry, whenever he refuses to consume the flesh that will nourish him. Despite him viewing the young man as his friend, when he became like that, Ludger can't help but hate him. They weren't the same, not by a long shot, because Jude use to possess something Ludger never could.

A normal human life.

Jude said he missed eating 'normal' food, but Ludger couldn't sympathize with him. He had always eaten human flesh, and he had never once tried sweets, or animal meat, or even cheap convenience store food because the mere smell nauseated him. But Jude had. Ludger was a half ghoul, meaning that a part of him was human, and yet...why couldn't he do the things humans did? 

Whenever his mode shifted into a dark place because of Jude, Ludger had to leave the cafe, because he was afraid of saying something terrible to him. He'd wander around the city to clear his head, sometimes bumping into hostile ghouls who wanted to eat him because he 'smelled different'. Fighting was the only way to deal with them, and Ludger noticed that he sometimes blacked out only to awaken covered in blood with the taste of ghoul flesh in his mouth. It scared him, and whenever he tried to remember, he'd draw a blank.

Ludger never told his brother about these incidences, not wanting him to worry him anymore than he already was, but at the same time he hated himself for keeping things from him. There was a mutual bond of trust between he and his brother, and he felt like he was abusing that trust whenever a lie slipped between his lips. More than anything, he felt afraid to tell Julius about his blackouts, afraid that his only family would abandon him.

Even without being told, Ludger knew other ghouls regarded him as a monster, and the last thing he wanted was for Julius to see him as such.

This last blackout had been particularly bad; before everything went black, he remembered being choked by another ghoul, and when he came to he was covered in blood with a dead ghoul near his feet. That was all sadly normal, but what surprised him was the CCG investigator missing a leg and an arm trying to crawl away from him. They called him a demon, something that didn’t belong in this world, but what truly struck a cord with Ludger was when he was called ‘Black Knight’.

The only thing he could do was finish off the investigator, but as he made his way back home, that name still stuck with him. It was the first time anyone had called him that, and it unnerved him greatly. What happened during his blackouts? _Why had he earned himself that kind of nickname_? The entire way back, his stomach churned, and he began to wonder if he was truly a monster. 

He stuck to the alleyways so that he isn’t seen, and before going up to the apartment he and Julius shared, he made sure there wasn’t anyone around. The rain had washed a decent amount of the blood on his skin away, so he hadn’t been worried about leaving a trail, but the blood that clung to this clothes is hard to miss. Once inside the apartment, Ludger leaned against the door, body slowly sliding to the floor as he once again begins to question his existence. 

Ludger didn’t really belong with the ghouls since most of them simply wanted to eat him, and the humans didn’t want him because they viewed him as monstrous ghoul. So really...he didn’t belong anywhere. Not knowing what he was left him feeling empty, and before he knew it there were tears running down his cheeks. Ludger tries to brush them away, to keep himself together, but the harder he tries the harder they fall

“Ludger?”

Quickly snapping his head up, he see his brother standing a little ways away from him, a look of concern written on his face. No...he wasn’t supposed to be home yet. He hadn’t wanted to explain to Julius why he was covered in blood, had wanted to get himself together before his brother came home so he didn’t worry him. But now...Ludger didn’t know what to do, so he simply allowed the tears he’d been holding back to fall freely. 

“Ludger, what’s wrong?” Julius says while quickly crossing the distance between them, and as he crouches down, he firmly grabs his shoulders, “Did something happen? Are you hurt-?”

“This isn’t...all mine.” He mutters, voice trembling slightly as he speaks.

Julius doesn’t say anything after that, and Ludger just wants to crawl into a corner and die. He tenses as when he feels his brother wrap his arms around him, holding him tight as he tells him that everything is going to be all right. This causes Ludger to completely break down, because no, everything _isn’t_ going to be all right. There is something seriously wrong with him, and to make matters worse, he didn’t know what. 

“I’m a monster...” He whimpers out, voice weak from his sobbing so much.

“No, you’re not...” Julius says as he holds him tighter, “You’re my brother, and that’s all that matters.”

Ludger can’t help but tense, because he had honestly never thought of that option before. What was wrong with just being Julius’ brother? If he isn’t a ghoul or human, why couldn’t he cling to the thing that he was certain of? This causes him to finally relax against his brother’s hold, and as he closes his eyes, he feels Julius’ fingers gently rake through his hair.

They stay like that for a few minutes before Julius says that he’ll help him clean himself up, and the two of them sluggishly make their way to the bathroom since Ludger feels completely zapped of energy. Julius runs the water in the bathtub before help him undress, and as soon as he’s enveloped in warm liquid, he can’t help but let out a groan. He hadn’t realized how sore his body is until now, and he’s sure it’s because of whatever had happened between that random ghoul and investigator. 

Julius washes his hair while Ludger takes care of the rest of his body, and as he begins to soak, his brother once again asks why he had ended up in such a state. Biting his lip, Ludger simply tells him that he doesn’t know, because truthfully he doesn’t. The questions stop after that, but it was hard to ignore the hurt look his brother gave him. 

Once all the blood was washed off of him, Ludger dried himself off in his room and slipped into his pajamas. As he slips into bed, he isn’t at all surprised when he practically falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. It’s in his half conscious state that he feels fingers gently caress his hair, the feeling putting him at ease.

\--

_Someone is screaming..._

_It feels like his body is moving on it’s own, kagune piercing at flesh, hands breaking bones, teeth ripping flesh for the sheer Hell of it. He doesn’t know why, but he likes this- no, he_ **loves** _this. He can hear himself laughing, can feel his lips move into a twisted grin, and all he thinks about is how much more of this he wants. As soon as his body is enveloped in a warm sensation, the need intensifies, a voice inside of him screaming for more carnage._

_Ludger just wants to rip everything to shreds._

\--

“Do you know what they call your darling brother?”

Julius glances at Rideaux from over the rim of his coffee mug, jaw clinching at bit as the man’s question.

“I’m sure you’ll tell me whether I like it or not...” He mutters before he takes a sip of his drink.

“They call him the Black Knight since his kakuja looks like a medieval knights or armor-”

“ _Enough_...why did you call me out here?” 

Rideaux doesn’t say anything at first, and Julius watches as he fishes a few bills out of his pocket and sets them on the table.

“I called you out here to tell you that the number of Doves around here has increased,” Rideaux stands and retrieves his coat from the back of the cafe chair, “I rather like this city, so could you keep the kid on a leash or something? I’d hate to move because the Doves launch a full scale assault in this area because you couldn’t control one brat’s bloodlust.”

Julius doesn’t watch him leave, and instead runs his fingers through his blond locks in frustration. Despite Rideaux’s shitty wording, he was, sadly, right in a sense. He needed to do something about Ludger, because things have gotten so far out of hand and he only had himself to blame. Julius had noticed something off about his brother years ago; it was the night the two of them had fled their apartment in an attempt to escape the CCG investigators, because ghoul or not, no child should’ve looked so calm while mutilating two men. 

He had tried to keep his word and protect Ludger from those that wanted to harm him, and for a while things were fine. But the more his brother grew, the more he began to want independence, and who was he to deny him something like that? It’s then that he began to notice the smell of blood in the apartment, and it clung to Ludger no matter how hard he tried to rid his body of it before Julius came home from work.

Julius knew other ghoul saw Ludger as a rare treat, so his first thought was that his little brother was trying to protect himself from, but then the rumors started...There was talk of a crazy ghoul roaming the streets killing anyone that crossed its path, and a part of Julius just knew. He had wanted to deny that said rumors had anything to do with his sweet, loving little brother, but then he witnessed a horrific scene after following Ludger.

It was like...he was looking at a stranger. His little brother looked crazed as he ripped the ghouls that had attacked him apart, like he was...was enjoying what he was doing. The sight was truly terrifying, but what scared Julius the most was when Ludger seemingly snapped out of his crazed state. He looked so scared, completely unaware of what he had just done, and it broken Julius’ heart to see him suffering so much.

Ludger had done nothing to deserve such a terrible fate, and Julius would try his hardest to find a way to deal with his brother’s bloodlust. 

“I’ll protect you, Ludger...even if it’s from yourself.”


End file.
